Every time I go into my boss’ office she tells me “take a seat”. I have 14 now.
I like my women so intelligent that it takes me days to realize I was insulted.
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What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*
Dracula: well? do I have any cavities?
Dentist: *using tiny mirror* hmm I… I can’t tell
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
*looks at fish tank
6: It’s part cat and part fish?
Me: No it’s just a fish
*Catfish maintains eye contact while pushing over treasure chest
Interviewer: “Your resume says you’re good at jumping to conclusions?”
Me: “When can I start?”
my cousin asked if I wanted to hold her baby and I told her I have ringworm
T-REX: listen up pal
AL: my name is al
PTERODACTYL: that’s what he said
6: Dad, did you used to be a cop?
Me: No, why do you ask? Is it because I’m cool under pressure and demand your respect?
6: No, I found handcuffs under your bed.