Me: how much for the horse kabobs
Ride operator: it’s a carousel
I like talking to bartenders because they can’t go anywhere.
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I always wear a wet suit and goggles to the pub so I don’t look like an idiot when I wake up on the beach in the morning.
Now playing: With Myself.
Got asked to be godfather of my niece, so if anything happens to her parents then someone else has to take care of her because I said no
I hate these new video games that make you talk to other characters. The fact I hate conversations is the reason I’m playing video games.
Coworker: will I be seeing you at the office ugly sweater party?
Me: no, I’m not ugly
I don’t need anyone with a so-called degree “to” tell me I use quotes wrong.
I like ordering delivery pizza from two different locations as a race. I prize myself as the winner with two pizzas.
So i said to Arnie “Where did you get those toilet rolls??”
He said “Aisle B, Back.”
I’m giving up spellcheck for Lant