I’m off to a 3yr olds party. There’ll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun.
I like the show on fox news where there are 4 conservative idiots yelling at one liberal idiot.
You Might Also Like
I’ve never applied makeup while driving, but I have eaten an entire rotisserie chicken.
Say what you want about nature vs nurture but I don’t remember teaching my 4yo to moon people.
I wish this was real life…
Me: Your honor, he’s not asking the witness any questions. He’s just reading Harry Potter to the jury.
Judge: Yeah, I’m gonna allow it.
My favorite part about Harry Potter is the imaginary world it takes place in. I often wonder what England would be like if it was real.
The only thing I want from a 25 year old man is his metabolism.
Me: [opens door] yes?
Kidnapper: look I know you haven’t paid the ransom yet but-[hands toddler back]
You rolling your eyes doesn’t mean I’m going to stop talking
when people say I swear too much I’m like “well in my defense I read the news”