I like to move it.

But not move it move it.

Just the one move it.

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Studies say people with high IQ are lazy. Of course I didn’t read the entire article.


This body wash smells like a smoothie !!!
This body wash does not taste like a smoothie !!!


If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don’t think this relationship is going to work.


*see Shawshank on TV guide*

Wife: Don’t do it

*picks up remote*

W: I said don’t do it

*turns TV to Shawshank*



Baby Bear: Someone’s been eating my porridge!

Mama: That’s wonderful, dear. Papa never eats Mama’s porridge anymore.

Papa: Jesus, Linda…


Funniest joke I heard today: The reason Zimbabwe isn’t ready for its own currency is they don’t have a dead president to put on the money 😂


After walking 500 miles and then 500 more, it turns out the door was mediocre at best. 3/5 stars.


I’m just a girl

Hiding under a bed

Hoping his wife leaves soon



At a dinner party, instead of putting names on place cards, just list everyone’s shortcomings and they have figure out where they’re supposed to sit.