
“You’re just not enlightened enough to understand the beauty of polyamoury!”
And you’re not enlightened enough to understand just how much people in general annoy TF out of me.
I liked the old days, when people tried to keep the fact that they were idiots to themselves.
“You’re just not enlightened enough to understand the beauty of polyamoury!”
And you’re not enlightened enough to understand just how much people in general annoy TF out of me.
*Welds all night without incident..
*Burns self getting a pizza out of the oven..
Wow my pants are really loose today
*skips to the nearest vending machine*
“You know what people really want to see? Season after season of a guy drinking his own piss.” – Discovery Channel executive
Me: awww what’s your dog’s name?
Neighbor: Spartacus.
Me: [yells to Wife] TRY SPARTACUS!
Wife: [at computer] DIDN’T WORK!
Neighbor:
Me: what’s your favorite number?
Son: What’s for dinner?
Me: Cake.
Son: Yay! I want cake!
Me: What are the magic words?
Son: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MOM.
Me: Here ya go.
My N’Sync tattoo? I got it to remind me not to make impulsive decisions based on fleeting trends that I’d regret for the rest of my life.
*boarding helicopter to Jurassic World*
Pilot: Why do you guys keep going back there?
Parents: lying is bad
Also parents: if the ticket guy asks, you’re still 11
When you’re mimicking someone behind their back and they suddenly turn around