I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe.
“I literally can’t even!”
— White girl hanging a picture
You Might Also Like
*forgets Netflix password*
*sends email reset*
*forgets email password*
*sends reset to backup*
20 resets later:
*opens 2nd Netflix account*
ME: I will have 4 blueberry muffins for dinner please
DUNKIN DONUTS CASHIER: Please do not tell us that you’re having them for dinner
Me: ahahah say it again
The robot I built because I have no friends: hamborgers
Me: lmfao it’s hamburgers, you idiot
The robot I built that no longer wants to be friends with me:
Me: HAMBORGER LMAO
I’m sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug.
Judge: You’re out of order!
Lawyer: This whole court room is out of order!
*I burst in*
Me: THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE LOBBY IS OUT OF ORDER
I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it’s cause family day never really took off
*holds out bucket of fried chicken to passing marathon runners*
The trick is to leave enough details online so that a determined mysterious rich uncle can find you but not enough so random murderers can.
Before you move to Canada after Trump gets elected, just know that it’s May 13th and it’s currently snowing here.