How to end an interview:
1. Thank them for their time.
2. Shake their hand firmly.
4. Firmer yet.
5. BREAK HIS HAND YOU MUST WIN
I live in fear of the day my kid asks “where’s all my other drawings?”
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My bunny thumps at trash collectors. Nice to know that if the Sanitation Dept. ever has ill intentions, she won’t stand for any of that shit
People who buy copious amounts of everything before a blizzard: Is there nothing in your house every other day of the year?
Dear car commercials,
You probably don’t mean to scare me but “German engineering” is also why I don’t have so many cousins today.
My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. 🙂
*joins Buddhist monastery*
*withstands 21 years of brutal kung-fu training*
So, vending machine that didn’t drop my funyuns. We meet again.
Movie super villains always have wild origins stories like “Fell into radioactive goo” or “Possessed by alien” when a more realistic and gritty one would be “Attended Harvard”
Make a horror film less scary by putting old timey words in the title, i.e. The Thingamabob, Jason Goes To Heck or The Hills Have Peepers.
Don’t be silly – opportunity doesn’t knock twice!”
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.