I feel so bad for people who don’t like sports. They never experience the thrill of maybe being happy once every 10-20 years
I lost money and friends this year, I just want the money back.
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Boy ant: Feel like a swim?
Girl ant: Can’t, I’m not boy ant.
I took my 5y/o to a protest hoping to get a woke-baby quote from him but instead he said “cool, a yelling party” and then screamed for a bit
Could be worse. Someone could be trying to tell you that everything happens for a reason.
This day in history. 2000. International Mother Language Day recognizes the cultural significance of such phrases as “Don’t make me come over there!” and “Because I said so!”
i never would have bought this abandoned lighthouse if i knew that the city wouldn’t let me drop watermelons from the top
I don’t mean to sound like a tough guy but I’ve been in New York City for almost two hours and I’ve only cried like 31 times…
“What do you mean there’s not a secret passageway?”
“Sir, this is a library.”
*whispers* “What do you mean there’s not a secret passageway?”
Happens to everyone.
Me: You’re not like other girls.
3-year-old: *continues looking for the right Barbie to fight her dinosaurs*