I lost money and friends this year, I just want the money back.

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–spirited debate


“I’m married to a raving lunatic.”
– Actual quote from my husband, yesterday, confiding in our neighbor’s golden retreiver.

Joke’s on him. That dog tells me everything.


A lot of you are calling me “mom” lately. Is it cause I’m old? Or cause you respect me? I hope for your sake it’s cause I’m old.


WIFE: I wish you would drop this stupid genie act
HUSBAND: honey I already told you, you’re out of wishes


*Tosses a strand of lights over the pile on the laundry chair*
The tree is up.