@david8hughes: I lost my job because my manager heard me slapping one of the customers. He wasn't even at work. He heard from home.
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@KeetPotato: [my dog lays down on my date's lap instead of mine] date: "i had a good time tonight" me: "i think you need to leave"
@david8hughes: [soldier dying in my arms] "You take this & you give it to my wife." "No [pushes watch back to soldier] she lives really far away from me."
@sammontgomery: Cashier at McDonalds said "See you later" a little too smugly at breakfast. I did not appreciate her condescension and told her so at lunch.
@TheCensoredRock: Me: happy 18th, buddy! Son: thanks, dad Me: got your stuff packed? Son: what? Me: what?