@JohnLyonTweets

I love a relaxing bath at the end of the work day but it makes the other people in the office uncomfortable.

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@PinkCamoTO

I’ve got some sick beats.

No. Really. I need to take them to a doctor. The antibiotics aren’t working.

@KentWGraham

I’ve received so many Viagra emails my laptop opened on its own.

@Skullcat

I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.

@thomas_violence

reading rob zombie’s name is a real wild ride. at first you’re like “rob? ok, i know what we’re dealing with here”. then things get weird

@david8hughes

[moth meeting]
Moth: I was thinking, since we all love the light so much why don’t we come out during the day?
Head moth: no, we fly into lamps until we die

@AJslackie

Feed me once shame on you, Feed me twice i’m moving in.

@flashember

YOGI: Close your eyes and breathe.

ME: [angrily rolling up my mat] I was under the impression this was a picnic and you were a talking bear

@NoticablyBacon

Its a little cheesy but holding up a boom box outside her window and blasting the song “Cotton Eye Joe” will win her back everytime

@EllaZee5

Rose: [in Titanic] I’ll never let go, Jack

Jack: 🥶

Elsa from Frozen: lol know what would be funny right now