My husband and I have reached the age that neither of us will get up to investigate even the strangest of noises.
#I #love #how #you #hashtag #a #million #words #on #all #your #instagram #pics. #i #hope #you #get #your #period #in #a #sharktank.
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The problem with today’s children is that today’s grown-ups are idiots.
Bank ads make me want to hide my money under my mattress.
They also make me want to acquire some money for hiding, but that’s a side issue.
Guys, if you forget your girl’s birthday, just look into her eyes and say, “I love you.” Then run, because that is not going to help.
Cats are perfect for those who want to experience the indifference and hostility of the workplace in a pet.
It takes a keen ear to pick out a girl’s “I haven’t finished but I know you’re about to, so I’ll try to be supportive” moan.
great news: all my boxes arrived
terrible news: all my boxes arrived
I want you to be cuter than you are, but alas I am drunk and you are a tree.
Kids. Because who else is willing to stampede through the house sounding like an overweight elephant while also only weighing 30 pounds?
what happens if the bachelor chooses to love himself