“I love Justin Bieber” well I love McDonalds but you dont see me making an account pretending to be a chicken nugget, do you?

You Might Also Like


Next time my wife asks me to open a jar, I’m gonna tell her I have a headache.


[both me and the child chasing me with a knife slow to a walk as we go by the pool]


1886: We invented a car!
1903: We invented a plane!
1969: We went to the moon!

2015: Taco Emoji!


CINDERELLA: were you always my fairy godmother

FAIRY GODMOTHER: yes, always

CINDERELLA: so you watched my stepmother horribly mistreat me for years and did nothing





FAIRY GODMOTHER: look what i can do to this pumpkin


Is there gangs where they just go to buffets? I can join that type of gang.


“STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG” I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. “This is NOTHING like Twilight!!”


Bird: *standing in middle of road challenging me*

Me: *swerving and driving off cliff* you have won again bird


Wanna feel old? Helium formed for the first time 13.8 billions years ago.


“Be the change you want to see in the world.”

*Morphs into a kitten