@BunAndLeggings: I love watching my 3yo and 2yo fight because they throw kicks and nobody makes contact and they say shit like, "you're boring!" and "I have socks!" as insults and it's amazing.
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@ParasiteHilton: Make fun of my long hair and I’ll ride past your girlfriend’s bedroom window on a stallion.
@chrissyteigen: i have a very sore throat & your suggestion of a shot of whiskey only helped in the way that i no longer care about my extremely sore throat
@Shock_Monster: Him: Come check out my church! Me: Him: They play rock music! Me: Him: It's cool! Me: Does it have church in it? Him: Yes... Me: *click*
@TheBoydP: [Carnac the Magnificent] Donald Trump Hannibal Lector Liver and fava beans *opens envelope* "Name a winner, a skinner, and a dinner"