An astronaut squirrel, a snail that meows, crab with a whale as a daughter. Dear creators of spongebob, pass the drugs.
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Guys, we’ve lost the battle on “I could care less.” Let’s move forward, focus on “should of.”
[First day as a beaver]
My little sister did homework for a kid in her school because he promised to pay her $30 but after she finished it for him he told her that he wasn’t gonna pay her so she just sent him a picture of an email draft addressed to him and his teacher and just says “what about now”
MOM: finish your dinner
SON: I can’t eat anymore, I’m full
MOM: hi full, I’m mom
DAD: *drops an entire steak onto his khakis*
The day we decided such footwear would be called “flip-flops” was not our most creative moment.
Little does this young woman in the house behind mine who just closed the curtains know that it was the curtains I was looking at.
To avoid looking at the glass as half empty or full, i drink straight from the bottle.
Brain: he must study-how?
*Hormones raise hand*
H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life?
It’s for his own good.
Bury me next to a kangaroo skeleton and put boxing gloves on me.