@realHamOnWry
Is Viagra classified as a soft drug, or a hard drug?
@LoveNLunchmeat
I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.
You Might Also Like
@realHamOnWry
@lovemydogduck
I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??
@cray_at_home_ma
Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means?
Me: We have to be quick!
*Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*
@eTHEgoddess
The glittery vampire from Twilight is putting out an album.
In other news, real musicians continue to play for coins in the subway.
@issyazalea
why do mums always tell u stuff then say “don’t go posting anything on facebook” hun i haven’t posted anything since 2002 i highly doubt my comeback post is gonna be surrounding Sandra’s divorce
@UnFitz
Stop pronouncing it “pecan.” Everyone knows it’s “pecan.”
@AnOrangeSNES
ME: Sometimes I feel like I’m in a bad tweet
NARRATOR: And he was
ME: I see you
NARRATOR: He could see me
ME: Stop
NARRATOR: I did not stop
@Ieehynes
jvais m’évanouir
@Izianikapani
Construction sites are dangerous places. I nearly blacked out holding in my stomach as I walked past one.
@CAshmanActor
An avocado is a vegan kinder egg