A router goes into a doctor’s office and says, “It hurts when IP.”
I missed going to the gym today.
So that’s 20 years in a row now.
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My neighbor once dropped off a bag of lemons and a bottle of vodka on my doorstep in the middle of the night, with no explanation.
I think about this often.
The mall crowd parts as I shuffle through after waking up naked on the food court floor. “Too pudgy to be a terminator” says one woman.
Why is called an “extraction” and not an “amputeeth”?
6: I’m going outside to play.
Me: Stay in your own yard.
6: Define “my own yard”
Me: …. have fun.
So her mother’s child.
Boss: You’re late
Me: Sorry, my clock was set to Australian time
Boss: That would make today Saturday
Me: You’re right. I’ll go home
Me: Hey, I love your outfit! Where’d you get it?
I’m a carb girl, born and bread
My house is really small until I can’t find my phone.
Cashier: Want carry-out help?
*Richard Gere appears in Navy uniform & sweeps me into his arms-I’ve forgotten my groceries