@jeff_ratfamily
@OrangeFact
Are you tired of having a great friendship?
Ruin it with Sex™
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@OrangeFact
@KyleMcDowell86
KANGAROO(tasting beer) *sips* This is too hoppy for me
[BrewMaster] I thought youd love “hoppy” beer lol
[Kangaroo] (sternly) That’s racist
@Bill_Nye_Tho__
elephants sleep standing up you could be chillin with an elephant and at any moment they could just be like “lmao for sure, g’night”
@KeetPotato
stewardess: “sir you aren’t allowed to smoke that during the flight”
me: [putting a salmon back in my hand luggage] “this is such bullshit”
@MomOnFire
Newsflash KIDS: The woman who paid for the fries gets to “steal” as many as she wants.
@Mom_Overboard
No I will not change my password.
If someone wants this life, they can have it.
@WilliamAder
Scientists discovered the largest prime number yet (23 million digits) when it was given to them as the confirmation number after a customer service call with their internet provider.
@WilliamAder
If I had known “cuties” were little oranges when my wife asked me to “bring a few home,” I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
@mattgallo123
“Don’t be shy!”
-people who don’t understand how genetically determined character traits work