With virtually no power, there still comes a surprisingly large amount of responsibility.
I never said that I hated you!
All I said is that I hope you have your period when the next Sharknado comes around.
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GURU: You have achieved the state of sak?d?g?min: you will reach nirv??a within seven lifetimes
ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six
Me: I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Friend: It was yesterday.
Therapist: So what’s the problem?
Wife: He thinks he’s a flamingo.
Me: That’s it! I’m putting my foot down.
*lowers foot that was raised*
hi, how are you?
–yoda asking how high you are
Me: CAN YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC
If you don’t like where you are in your life
~ Then move you are not a tree
need to find a better way to trick my dog into taking his medication bc the last 2 times he tricked me into taking it
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
How to sports:
– Take a ball
– Put it someplace someone else doesn’t want you to put it
– Congratulations you’ve now sportsed