TEEN 1: Church is so boring.
TEEN 2: It’s so out of touch.
THE YOUNG POPE approaches pulpit: “Some…BODY once told me–”
TEENS: HOLY SHIT
‘I never thought leopards would eat MY face,’ sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party.
You Might Also Like
I lied. There was no crime. I just wanted to see how long it would take the police sketch artist to realize I was describing Patrick Swayze.
“Your majesty, last night some angry colonists dumped our tea into the Boston Harbor”
*three English ladies faint*
WTF THIS MEANS WAR
[on my deathbed]
me: make sure the kids remember their dear ol’ dad
wife: dave isn’t old
Why font matters.
*hires court room sketch artist for your intervention
Every year my wife buys me Christmas gifts I didn’t ask for. Why would I need this many books about foreplay?
Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween…I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
kids: can we get a lollipop at the bank
me: if you’re good *pulls mask down over my face*
*DJ scratches a sick mix*
[crowd goes wild]
*DJ scratches a puppy’s ear*
*DJ scratches Lotto ticket*