What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won’t buy the book.
I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.
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My neighbor bought a Corolla, then one appeared in my other neighbor’s driveway.
I’m really starting to worry about this virus…
Sergeant: dude you gotta stop crying
Me, sobbing uncontrollably: this is torture
Sergeant: everyone has to make their own bed
[Hospital Parking Lot]
Me: I thought we were here to get your X Ray back.
Friend: Yeah *slashing tires* this is his car.
This guy just climbed through a thicket of waist-high shrubbery to avoid walking past me.
That’s the kind of anti-social I aspire to be.
My moral compass just spins.
me: this is free, right?
me: do you have family changing facilities?
clerk: yes we do
me: ok what can I get for 2 sons and a wife
i made a craigslist ad !