@CubanaMama82: I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
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@somecleverthing: discontinue use and talk to your doctor if you experience death, as this may be a sign of a more serious condition.
@TheMongoose69: When I push a door that clearly says pull, it serves as a harsh reminder that I'd make a terrible midwife.
@thelaurenobrien: How many times did people question the honesty of Shakira's hips before she finally decided to defend them in a song?
@SondraDeeMe: [first date] Me: I collect taxidermy Him: Really, taxidermy? Me: It’s a family thing [later, at my place] Me: Feel free to hang your coat on my stepmom