[psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive
I only eat vegetarians.
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What if Bing is just a guy in his office Googling stuff for you and doing his best
I’m so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.
A teacher is always just one loud fart away from losing control of a classroom.
Is no shave November just for men?
Asking for my female Italian coworker and her mustache.
“I’m leaving you”
“Your jokes are old and tiresome”
“but, I can updog”
“NOTHIN, WHAT’S UP WI-”
Saw 2 of my kids hugging and then realized they were choking each other and was like, ok, that makes more sense.
KID: This is so stupid
TEACHER: You may need it in your job
KID: What job?
TEACHER: Algebra teacher?
INTERVIEWER: thank u, those are all my questions. do u hav any questions for us
ME: yes…why do i want this job
INTERVIEWER: [starts sweatig]
I go back to work tomorrow, ending my 91 day weekend.