@Naggalie

I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn’t matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee.

I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn’t matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee.

- @Naggalie

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@DrakeGatsby

Doctor: And how many partners have you had?

Danny Ocean: It varies by movie.

@mommajessiec

*filling out preschool form*

1st child: She knows all of the letters and numbers.

2nd child: He knows all of the colors.

3rd child: She knows all of the swear words.

@Cali_Kid_Mike

I’m not into anything “weird”, but this vacuum at Target looks like a total VILF.

@Ivsy01

Me:Thank you, he’s so hot I don’t even know what I want to do first…Grandma: (interrupting) Okay, can someone else say the prayer please?

@DomesticGoddss

Just showed my 4 yo niece that I can still do a cartwheel and now she is showing me where the ice packs are.

@agathagotstoned

Barring any distractions, it only takes about three months to teach a meerkat how to throw knives.

@eskimo_tekillya

I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I’ve learned how to breathe in the damn thing I’ll tell you how it worked out.

@Donna_McCoy

Go ahead and share your political views at this office party. We’re all friends here.

– alcohol

@BuckyIsotope

Is Pepsi ok?
*I pull out my phone and send a text*
*2 hours pass*
*an out of breath Dikembe Mutumbo runs in wagging his finger*
No it is not