I’m not the kind of girl to get mad and throw a drink in your face….that’s wasteful. I’d drink it first and then glass you.
I own a gun so if a robber breaks into my home and steals my stuff I can shoot all my stuff and break it so the robber can’t enjoy any of it
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1990’s: *gets knocked down* *gets up again*
2020’s: *gets knocked down* *gets up* *washes hands* *burns clothes* *initiates contact tracing*
[throws salad into a garden]
Go home boy…you’re free now.
The fact that crocodile ate your enemy, does not make him your friend.
The Onion called it…again.
What’s it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches?
It’d be funny if Hannibal Lecter was a terrible cook. Just microwaving kidney quesadillas or whatever. Mac & cheese with chopped up fingers.
launch my dead body into space but not too far away. if my calculations are correct, i will win the public pool splash contest in 2076
Woke up thinking I’d look good in yellow.
Nope, looks like I was eaten by a shredded wheat box.
Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one