We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@TaintUrBalls: I pick up hitchhikers cause then when I'm pulled over the weed is his.
@Eagle_Vision: I didn't know Sony was hiring.
@ruinedpicnic: "I want you back in my arms..."
- me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed
@JoyceCarolTotes: Sorry I got kicked out of the auditorium for yelling GET A TOMB YOU TWO during your little brother's 9th grade production of Romeo & Juliet.
@BertCarrillo: In high school, everyone called me the bus driver. Because I was the bus driver.