@StarksWeek

“I put on pants for nothing”

– my 10 yo after she got dressed and her soccer game was cancelled.

Someone set up her Twitter account.

You Might Also Like

@HatfieldAnne

When you played marbles, the only goal was to win more marbles. No one asked stupid questions like why’d you want more marbles.

@bacon_gillepic

What if archeologists just matched the wrong bones and the t-Rex actually had super long arms

@RunwayDan

Sometimes when life closes one door it opens another, because apparently life is trying to air condition the whole damned neighborhood.

@PAT_E_ROCK

BREAKING NEWS: Due to the horrible conditions at Sochi, the Olympics have been moved to a much safer place.. Chernobyl.

@Reverend_Scott

[holds up egg]
This is your brain

[cracks egg into frying pan]
This is your brain if it was some scrambled eggs

[adds pepper]
Needed pepper

[eats egg]
Mmm brains

@tayandmae

9 out of 10 child psychologists believe TV’s shouldn’t be babysitters

9 out of 10 child psychologists don’t have children

@SamuelHLowe

That awkward moment when someone is washing dishes and you slowly put your glass in the sink.

@Love_bug1016

Took a DNA test, turns out I’m 100% that one Asian who can’t use chopsticks.