Day 4 of social distancing.. My husband just challenged my kids to a Tic Tac battle (aka TikTok) .. dear god help us all.
“I put on pants for nothing”
– my 10 yo after she got dressed and her soccer game was cancelled.
Someone set up her Twitter account.
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I DO help with the laundry. My wife just doesn’t understand.
I wear the same jeans for like two weeks straight.
me: I’m gonna work from home today
If you think you’re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say “There there” when consoling someone
I like to throw a fake punch at a hooker’s crotch. If she flinches, I know it’s a dude.
India launched a rocket to Mars this morning. That’s a heck of a place to put a call centre.
My GFs good traits:
Young, gorgeous, incredible in bed and has a dragon
Imaginary- but I overlook these because of the dragon
I’ll never look at it the same again.
How disappointing is it that Han Solo didn’t name his son ‘Guitar’