@aparnapkin: I realized taking dogs for walks is basically their way of checking social media. One lap of smells is a newsfeed scroll. Peeing is posting.
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@triviastigma: us: pls chronological timelines insta: what? insta stories? us: nonono chronological timelines insta: did you mean IGTV us: NO CHRONOLOGICAL TIMELINES insta: ohhhh you want to scroll horizontally #instagramupdate
@TragicAllyHere: My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
@XplodingUnicorn: [breaking up yet another fight] Me: Why do you always fight with your sisters? 6-year-old: Because I always win.