[The Gorge in the Pride lands]
Water buffalo 1: *tramples over Mufasa* Didn’t we go to that guy’s baby shower?
Water buffalo 2: *shrugs*
I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone’s gotta have multiple.
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*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.
If the Get Out challenge was running straight at people and veering away last second, the Midsommar challenge is just taking your long term boyfriend to see Midsommar
grandmas are always like “not enough meat on your bones” the only reasonable explanation being that at a certain age every grandma starts giving serious thought to cooking her family and eating them
– played out
– may not even contain a bathtub
– may contain lava?
After seeing some of the names on kids these days, you wonder if their parents were going all in for the Triple Word Score.
Friend: My in-laws have been married for 57 years today.
Him: I like you.
Me: I’ll soon put a stop to that.
Just your annual reminder about this seagull that turned orange after it fell into a container of chicken tikka masala while trying to get a piece of meat from a factory bin. #SpiceGull
Let’s be honest Jurassic Park is about capitalistic hubris not science gone wrong. The science went gloriously right