The problem with Quotes on #Twitter is that… it is so difficult to tell if they are Genuine – William Shakespeare
I remember when people just wanted to date someone with personality..but noOoo, now everyone’s gotta have multiple.
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yeah is it Pets Mart or Pet Smart?
“ma’am this is a bank”
I know but you seem like a man with some answers
I like telling car salesmen “Listen, we both know I’m not here to buy a car” and trying to figure out what it is they think I’m there to do
If I have learned anything in life it’s don’t throw away your fat clothes
Hope you don’t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
At what point should you worry about your drinking?
I bet it’s before your kid builds a Lego brewery.
Hi, my name is Pan. It’s short for Pam.
So let me get this right. The guys on big bang theory are super smart scientific nerds, yet their elevator is broken?!
🎵If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my gourds🎵
~ The Pumpkin Spice Girls
“Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?” I asked.
She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.