“Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred.”
“So just the normal way you make a martini then?”
I retweeted my boss to let her know that I know she’s tweeting during the meeting.
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AAA publishers: “CUSTOMERS WANT HUGE $60 EXPERIENCE WITH EPIC OPEN WORLDS AND CUTTING EDGE GRAPHICS”
gamers: “haha honk honk im an angry goose”
I have never laughed so hard in my LIFE
we put a man on the moon but we can’t keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there.
My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I’m clearing out my desk
Q: “How long were you at your last job?”
A: “Seven-and-a-half inches… same as now”
“If you love something, set it free…”
Unless it’s a man…
Cause he’ll get lost…
And you know he won’t ask for directions…
M: I don’t regret my past. I’m far too cold and calculating for regrets.
Lawyer: Okay, so I don’t want you saying that at the trial.
DATE: I like your shirt.
ME: Well you can’t have it.
*goes to watch youtube vid*
well okay *lifts weights*
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME”