@Thaat_guy

I retweeted my boss to let her know that I know she’s tweeting during the meeting.

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@philyuck

“Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred.”

“So just the normal way you make a martini then?”

“That’s right.”

@p01arst0rm

AAA publishers: “CUSTOMERS WANT HUGE $60 EXPERIENCE WITH EPIC OPEN WORLDS AND CUTTING EDGE GRAPHICS”

gamers: “haha honk honk im an angry goose”

@mallelis

we put a man on the moon but we can’t keep him there. he keeps coming back. you stay on the moon. you stay there.

@Thedudish

My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I’m clearing out my desk

@BlindVigil

Q: “How long were you at your last job?”

A: “Seven-and-a-half inches… same as now”

@WilliamRodgers

“If you love something, set it free…”

Unless it’s a man…

Cause he’ll get lost…

And you know he won’t ask for directions…

@3sunzzz

M: I don’t regret my past. I’m far too cold and calculating for regrets.

Lawyer: Okay, so I don’t want you saying that at the trial.

@Thynebear

*goes to watch youtube vid*

BUFFER

well okay *lifts weights*

*checks again*

BUFFER

*does steroids*

BUFFER

“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME”