From my hospital bed it occurred to me, that i could never work in a hospital because there are too many opportunities to nap.
I say “Have a good one” instead of “Have a nice day” because I’m so mysterious. One what? You just don’t know!
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End of date
Me: I’ve been waiting for this moment all night
Him: *closes eyes and leans in for a kiss
Me: *honks horn as I speed away *
I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
After a couple of glasses of wine, I realise that I am so charming I should be charming even louder
My boss really hates that I shortened his name to Dick…. Especially since his name is Steve
Her: Make me a mimosa.
Me: But we’re out of orange juice.
Her: I don’t see the problem.
I’ve been pretending to know what “zeitgeist” means for a really long time now.
Me: want a grilled cheese?
6yo: no. How about a cheeseburger without the meat.
Me: you got it.
Doctor: How often do you exercise?
Me: 4 times.
Doctor: A week? A month? A year?
Me: I have given my answer.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and you’re a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details.
If you’re reading this Adewale, call me?