I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption “it’s cold” could you tell me more about that

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I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn’t like it


ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body
INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise


My earliest family memory is of my wolf pack attacking and ravaging a deer. As always, Uncle Joe got the wishbone.


[public execution]

Townsperson: these are always so morbid

Me: *quickly hiding giant foam finger*


Precious was concerned about how long it was taking to make a snack choice.


Thinking about how there are no Sour Patch Adults because we eat all the children.


My neighbor bought a Corolla, then one appeared in my other neighbor’s driveway.

I’m really starting to worry about this virus…