When I was a kid I got in trouble for playing with Grandma Bella in the sandbox. Can’t play with dead bodies apparently.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
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*watches Beauty and the Beast*
*looks at dirty dishes in sink*
WASH YOURSELVES AND SING TO ME!
If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I’m not kidding.
“You should go with the black one” I whispered from inside the clothes rack as she dropped both shirts and ran.
FINE, GO WITH THE WHITE ONE
Ok so last night a girl was crying in the toilets cause her ex got a lass pregnant who he cheated on her with, so me tryna make her feel better said “could be you tho and kids are awful u don’t want them” she looked me dead in the eye and said “I already have two kids”
“The Bee Gees have no hot chicks in the band”
Yeah but ABBA do!
No One Puts Baby in the Corner: A Feng Shui Guide to Nurseries
I accidently invited new friends to our house and now I have to finish painting the bathroom I started 8 months ago.
Damn girl, is your dad an astronaut? Because I’d like to meet him. Please let me meet your astronaut dad.
Eighty seven percent of single people are single because they don’t want to share their pizza with anyone.