I should run for public office just to see the scandalous dirt they dig up on me. I would really like to piece together my twenties.

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but like if you somehow manage to launch yourself to the ISS they ought to let you in? right??

asking for a friend


7yr old “Do women get their periods on weekends too?”
Me “Yes”
7yr old mutters to herself “Jesus Christ”


Girl: I dumped my last boyfriend cause he always gave short answers. I never knew what he was thinking. That’s so annoying, right?

Me: Word


Spent over 20 minutes at the gym trying to get my damn AirPods to connect..turned Bluetooth on and off, unpaired and re-paired, googled “why aren’t my AirPods working “ .. I finally figured it out.. and next time I’ll check the volume first.


the boston alphabet is only 25 letters because they threw the t in the harbor


If it lasts 4 hours I’m not only callin a Dr, I’m callin everybody!!


Just push go and let’s see what happens. Really, don’t worry I’ll go next. *Famous last words…


I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.