Hash browns not tags.
I still remember how great water out of a squirt gun tasted. That hint of polyethylene.
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I’m sorry this birthday cake suffered a severe accident where my hand fell into it and a chunk of it filled my mouth.
Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I’m going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks.
You know what they say? Once you go white, you’ll rob the world of it’s resources and murder indigenous peoples.
At my parent’s house, or as I like to call it, the world’s most judgmental self-service laundromat.
I got 99 problems and they’re all friend requests from people I didn’t like in high school.
Find a man who pays attention to what you say as much as Google ads does
I was raised by pirates. We suffered from scurvy. I finally ran away to join the citrus.
Her- um.. why are you wearing a Darth Vader mask?
Me- you said lets do Yoda together
H- I SAID YOGA YOU DOPE
M- VERY WRONG I WAS
That awkward moment you have long eye contact with someone who’s really attractive, only cause it’s too hard to walk away from the mirror.