If I were a dinosaur, I’d be a swagasaurus.
I still use my laptop to tweet. Also, I ride my horse through the shire to get to the blacksmith.
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My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say-
*casket is lowered into the ground*
-he was down to earth.
It was an unfortunate incident, but at least Doug learned he should never lick his light saber after using it to cut chocolate cake.
ANIMALS IT’S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA
2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR
3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark
this lipgloss is called mcdonalds hash brown
I think parents should choose unisex names for their babies like Parsnip or Brisket.
cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now
FRIEND: Australia has 9 of the 10 world’s deadliest snakes
ME: OMG ONE ESCAPED?!
“Wow I feel pretty good”
“Maybe I spoke too soon”