The Breakfast Club: (1985) (1hr 37 mins) Not a single breakfast is had. Barely a club. Misleading. 1/10
You Might Also Like
My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it’s somebody’s birthday on FB that I didn’t like.
Mario: you’re a dinosaur.
Yoshi: ok.
Mario: you can jump really high.
Yoshi: nice.
Mario: you eat things with your long tongue.
Yoshi: makes sense.
Mario: i’m gonna ride you off a cliff.
Yoshi: wait-what?
Mario: don’t worry i’ll jump off before I get hurt.
“This, too, shall pass,” I thought to myself after the dog swallowed a tube sock.
Just learned that land on earth was covered in moss for 40 million years. Imagine getting to one million years of just moss thinking that you gotta be done with moss any day now and then you learn it’s 39 million more years of moss
Woman: *being eaten by a Werewolf* My god, they’re right. Your hair IS perfect!
“Bro check out that DILP.”
“Where? Wait what’s a DILP?”
“Dog I’d Like to Pet.”
“Where does it hurt?” the doctor asked.
“Right Ear” replied the Englishman, pointing to his broken ankle.
Husband: Are we ordering out for lunch or eating here?
Me: I was just going to have something frozen here.
Daughter, from the other room: I WANT SOMETHING FROZEN 2.
If Twitter has taught me anything it’s that I’m glad I am not a therapist
***BREAKING NEWS***
Grandma is forced to dip into her freezer full of old bananas for first time in 17 years to make banana bread.
*gets abducted by aliens*
*immediately asks aliens if they’re familiar with the benefits of essential oils*
*gets returned by aliens*
unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is to delete their dating apps so they can meet someone the old fashioned way (going down on catwoman)
didn’t receive my miso soup. how do i send a picture of something that didn’t arrive pls deliveroo?
Vodka burrito was a success
“Your mission… Should you chose to accept it…”
*Go to a bar you Hate
*Put $50 in the Jukebox
*Play nothing but Nickelback
*Leave
BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that
MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, “Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?”
9 times out of 10 my problems can be fixed with something potato based.
Somebody called me a free spirit today and my heart leapt as I turned back to my paperwork.
What am I doing with the rest of my life?
I don’t even know what I’m doing with the rest of this tweet…
I’ve decided to donate my brain to science.
[years later, my brain is used to prop open the Science door]
I want to surprise my boyfriend by sending him a sexy pic while he’s at work, but I can’t decide what outfit to put on the cat.
When you say married… Do you mean married married… or just married?
Liven up your gym routine by screaming “Jane! Stop this crazy thing!” while on the treadmill.
Do I love my coworkers? No.
But are they good at their job and make my life easier at work?
Also no…
The whole internet loves Milkshake Duck, a lovely duck that drinks milkshakes! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you the duck is racist
[on a 1st date]
Me: I’m just looking to take things slow
Her: *in a wedding dress* me too
“Dad, I’m I want you to move back home rent free”
hi I want you to move back home rent free. I’m dad
“Ok thanks dad”
well shit
it’s so sad that aladdin was my favorite movie as a kid and now i can’t even remember the main character’s name
If you start your emails with “Greetings” let me be the first to welcome you to Earth.