@chuuew: I tell people "I'm not looking for anything serious" because I'm hunting clowns.
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@U_Want_Shum_M8: Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday 13th.The next day he won the lottery
@dumbbeezie: People are managing their retirement funds and I’m over here planning to call in sick the day I die
@Social_Mime: Me - You almost ready? Wife - Just a few more minutes. What time do we have to be there? Me - Yesterday at 7.
@MehrangizC: That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..