Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet.
I think it’s fun that witches chose brooms to fly on, but if I were them, I’d fly on a rifle. This way when you land you have a rifle.
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person: I like your name
me: thanks, I got it for my birthday
Don’t tell me I’m not spontaneous. I didn’t plan that nap at all.
I just really hate it when people start assuming things.nnnJust like my boss he assumes that I’m working just because I came to work today.
Know why I pulled you over?
1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha
Ways to get ants out of your house:
1) Ant traps
2) Say you had a good time but it’s late & you have work tomorrow
3) Set house on fire
me: imma turn the ceiling fan on
giraffe wife: *on top* noooooooo
in a world where big data threatens to commodify our lives,. telling online surveys that i “Dont know” what pringles are constitutes Heroism
time traveler: i love your volcano
pompeiian: our what?
time traveler: your mountain, your normal mountain