@3sunzzz

I think the implication that you might want to share your Kit Kat with 3 friends seems unreasonable.

You Might Also Like

@BadMikeyBad

Welcome to your forties, you’re now wondering why younger people are so dumb

@MrsTomServo

“Men are pigs” – misandrist &/or world’s worst biologist

@Quartzjixler

I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal.

@SteevUmc

The best things in life are free.

Stealing is awesome.

@steeve_again

Me: I’m a little tea pot short and stout here is my handle here is my—

Wife: *jumping outta bed* it’s too weird

@Shock_Monster

My dream job? That’s easy:

Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone.

That’s Old School Twitter.

@thatdutchperson

ME: did I remember to take my antidepressants this morning?

BRAIN: does it matter? Does anything matter? Aren’t we all just insignificant threads in the tapestry of life

ME: …so that’s a no

@EricGoldie

Does Adam Sandler know that he’s allowed to turn down movie roles?