@Quartzjixler: I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks.
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@Thomas1774Paine: Nine months from now -- when there's a baby boom in Hawaii -- you'll know who took the incoming missile warning seriously.
@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
@oakhillbargrill: - How was school? 4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton
@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying