@ShawnIzadi

I think the problem is that I’m 20% stud and 80% muffin.

You Might Also Like

@faizziy

She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard..

@SaeedFaridzadeh

No, I don’t have time to read the article. Just show me an image, and misguided headline, with the promise of making me angry.

@sfreeze6

[2015 Bird Awards]

AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO…HORNED GUAN

(Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)

@ObscureGent

Anonymous just switched everyone in Isis from Amazon Prime shipping to basic shipping. Good luck getting Fallout 4 by Christmas terrorists!

@AmishPornStar1

Hate when I lay out too close to the shoreline and the other beach goers team up to try to push me back in the water.

@DurtMcHurtt

Bury me next to a kangaroo skeleton and put boxing gloves on me.

@Steelers1972

If you don’t have a dog whistle, you can use two teenage girls who have not seen each other in forever.

@yonewt

Relationship status: outside my wife’s window, holding John Cusack over my head.