I think we see so many men with long beards nowadays because nobody can afford those Gillette replacement blades.

You Might Also Like


What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?


Me: C’mon, baby. Just the tip?

Her: No!

Me: Awww, cmon!

Her: No, you’re paying the whole bill this time.


If I had to list one thing I’m truly outstanding at I think it would be ripping open resealable bags so they are no longer sealable.


Marital Status: My husband is mad at me because I cheered for the wrong college football team.


*Playing pirates with my kids
“I bet if we photo copy the CD cover and use it, we can sell these for more”


Just when I think I’m 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.


*trying to awkwardly start a conversation with my barber* I ALSO like scissors.


Turns out if you scream for no reason long enough, you get the rest of the day off from work.


Friend: Who’s that?
Me: Oh…that’s crazy Kathy.
F: Why do you call her that? Is she funny or something?
Me: No. She eats hair.