@KentWGraham: I think we see so many men with long beards nowadays because nobody can afford those Gillette replacement blades.
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@kaydececchis: acrylic nails are the best and worst things to ever happen. bagel right out the toaster? you can grab that shit like it’s not even hot. drop some quarters tho? keep walking that ain’t your change anymore
@Shen_the_Bird: fbi: [injecting me with truth serum] give us the information me: [already ugly crying] i don't even know if i like nuggets or if i just like sauce
@WilliamAder: Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they'd never get caught.
@david8hughes: Me: death by loneliness? Is that even a thing? Fortune teller, shrugs: look honestly I had never heard of it until you walked in