@Sassafrantz

I THINK
[boyfriend goes by]
YOU’RE TOO
[boyfriend goes by]
YOUNG FOR ME
[boyfriend goes by]

-me breaking up w/ my boyfriend at the carousel

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@TweetPotato314

[ancient greece]

teacher: what have you all chosen for your thesis

hippocrates: I’m laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine

socrates: I am examining what it means to be

ptolemy: uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear

@Michael1979

VERY ANNOYED. My enemy keeps playing Hulk Hogan’s theme song b4 I enter rooms. People then expect Hulk Hogan & are disappointed when it’s me

@delusionaliam

Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.

@spaceboyriley

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you

Me: is it because make up phrases

Girlfriend: yes

Me: well the spider didn’t warm the egg for it just to hatch

Girlfriend: I have no idea what you’re talking about

@brettryland

Redheaded guys know they can just dye their hair, right? They don’t have to live like that.

@revious

If you’re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10, don’t be open.

@FeelingEuphoric

AVRIL LAVIGNE: he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious

POLICE SKETCH ARTIST:

@LuvPug

I’m tired and want to sleep, but I can’t stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down

@Marlebean

I went on a walk today through a hiking trail. And I can’t be certain, but I think nature touched me. It was gross.