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@ashmensch: I thought I was losing weight but apparently I just forgot to tie my sweatpants.
@TheMichaelRock: Tis the season to kidnap a tree, hold it hostage, keep it from its family during the holidays, then leave it for dead.
@Jeffwni: I'm still rubbish at Venn diagrams. I really don't get them. :/
@tispennylane: Bartender: What can I get you?
@davidschneider: I hope God rethinks his decision to allow an intern to run celebrity deaths in 2016.
@Goldishocks: A peacock is just a chicken made by Versace.