@UncleDuke1969: "I took care of your clown problem."
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@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? The dead guy in my trunk? Cop: Um, speeding, but my shift's over, so proper burial and no more murders. Ok?
@hippieswordfish: WIFE: and this is my husband, he's obsessed with the movie shrek- ME: *clears throat* WIFE: sorry, the 'academy award winning' movie shrek
@BoomBoomBetty: When our children are on their own and off our medical insurance, we’re going to take that extra money and buy Fiji.