@JessObsess: I used to feel sorry for people eating lunch by themselves but now I feel sorry for the people eating lunch with other people.
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@GinAndJif: Him: I'm really into clean eating. Me: [trying to impress] I almost never eat food I've dropped on the floor.
@JohnLyonTweets: Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don’t spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle.
@mrtruthandsoul: I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
@SkinnerSteven: I like my women like I like my coffee, passed through the digestive system of a cat