@ieatanddrink: I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do
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@KylePlantEmoji: Me, watching Stranger Things: these scientists, these fools, play not a god who rends our world in twain. Me, in real life, if scientists discovered a portal to another dimension: *slamming fists on table* OPEN IT, OPEN IT, OPEN IT, OPEN IT
@: Me: Will you help me find my Pikachu onesie? Her: Let’s split up. Me: Good thinking. We can cover more ground that way. Her: Me: Her: Me: Oh.
@karencheee: Watching basketball while on the treadmill feels like reading a book about someone reading an even bigger & better book
@codyspencer0: The guy who invented folding chairs lovingly cares for his product which is a problem for his wife who has season tickets to pro wrestling