I used to think the key to small talk was always having something to say (difficult) but now I think the key is being genuinely relaxed and putting people at ease (very difficult).
![]()
You Might Also Like
some lady dressed as catwoman is walking around our halloween party just knocking drinks off tables
“Time is of the essence”
Twitter: Hahaha nope
We had 3 kids, but once TVs came w/ remotes we put them up for adoption
Breaking News:
Germany defeats Argentina… France surrenders.
If courage is buying an entire tub of ice cream and immediately throwing out the lid, then yes I am definitely brave.
wife: What happened to you?
me *limping* I took a nap
Cow it started Cow it’s going
![]()
![]()
[quietly] “Always a bridesmaid never the bride”
BRIDE: Hey, you’re not one of my bridesmaids!
“Shhh…this day is about you, not me.”
The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.
Caught my uncle checking his phone mid way through the rosary and I absolutely squealed on him (for context I’m 41 and a guest in their home).
Guys I’ve misplaced one of my gold cubes, please let me know if it turns up.
At the grocery store and forgot my wife’s list, but no worries I’m sure there’s another dad here that I can copy off of.
My 9yo on Shark Tank:
“It’s a shirt, but look, it’s also a napkin!”
My husband said I talk too much, so we had a nice long chat about that!
HIM: Where do you see yourself in five years?
ME: Wait, just how long is this interview?
COP: pull over
ME: lol no it’s a cardigan
No one is more surprised than my kids every night when i say it’s bed time.
harry: finding these “horcruxes” sounds hard
dumbledore: nah. youve destroyed some on accident and one “might” be you
harry: kinda anticlim..wait wh-
dumbledore: theres also 3 legendary items called the deathly hallows
harry: hell ya
dumbledore: one is your blankey
I’m trying to use this rotisserie to bbq an owl but he won’t stop looking at me.
Ted Cruz continues to be a trailblazer as he becomes the first Hispanic person to flee FROM Texas TO Mexico because of ICE
The Breakfast Club: (1985) (1hr 37 mins) Not a single breakfast is had. Barely a club. Misleading. 1/10
Seven years ago THIS was all we had to worry about.
![]()
*KFC*
Me: how tender is the chicken?
Employee: [points to chicken crying watching the notebook]
Me: They say God gives the hardest battles to his strongest warriors.
God: I am begging you to stop fighting with people on the internet.
My wife’s celebrity “free pass” is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I’m gonna walk into *that* propeller blade.
In Canada they just call them geese
This kid will have a bright future.
![]()
You know when two cops park their cars facing opposite directions so they can talk to each other through their driver-side windows? That’s called a 6-9-1-1.
People who pretend they don’t know me when they see me in public are the real heroes
[Jack Black’s birthday]
Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma.
“How is Rock School going dear?”
It’s School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.