@mytoecold: I wake up every morning with a ball of frozen cookie dough in my mouth. I love it. I’m not even sure who puts it there. The only person who it could be is my roommate Darren (who does buy cookie dough often, but I can’t see it being him)
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@yeaanotherchris: I wonder if anyone has ever tweeted about how much they love coffee in the morning?
@badbanana: "And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."
@SteveDutzy: Remember, if you get dumped it's only because they're looking for someone more attractive and interesting. It has NOTHING to do with you.
@ibid78: DISPATCH: we have a report of a robbery in progress four blocks from your current location HOT AIR BALLOON COP: I'll be there in 80 days