How come mimes never imagine being in bigger boxes?
i want a reality show that’s just footage of the losers’ car ride home after family feud
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s/o to parallel lines for keeping that shit platonic and never crossing. they keep a healthy professional work ethic
My cooking show would just be an hour of me looking for Tupperware lids.
Me: This lingerie you bought me is super uncomfortable
BF: That’s a mosquito net I got for our camping trip
Me: do you like piña coladas?
Me: *marking chart*
Me: and getting caught in the rain?
Date: not really
Me: *eyes narrow*
I think the only girl I know that hasn’t said “you’re like a brother to me” is my sister.
I’m 14 shows into the 1st season of ‘Lost’ & there are SO many mysteries.
I sure hope someone finds out where Sawyer plugs in his flat iron
Person: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Me: I understand.
*I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn’t fed me*
“I’ll help you clean.” my toddler threatened
me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car
my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot